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Below is the beginning of my latest Amazon Kindle book: Donald J. Trump: Anointed by God: Jesus Returns, available now.

This short story, at about 120 pages, includes my three favorite topics: Damnation by Probability, religion, and of course, the anointed one—Donald J. Trump. It is not told with fictional characters but includes over 100 current politicians, celebrities, and news anchors.

This is a work of satire, parody, and fiction. Yes, Jesus Christ returns, in all His resplendent glory, and Donald J. Trump is anointed. It is Judgment Day. It’s fast-paced, crazy, and funny. It does not take itself too seriously, but with over 110 actual Bible quotes, it will surprise, amuse, and hopefully educate.

All I can say is, “Expect the unexpected.” It is not what you think and there is nothing quite like it; I think you will agree. Below is the Introduction:

An Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon

Every night the Pan-STARRS telescope at the Haleakala Observatory, Hawaii scanned the skies for interstellar objects. It was midnight; the analyst rubbed her eyes as she spotted an unusual object in the upper atmosphere. She adjusted the dials slightly and looked again through the eyepiece.

“Huh, that just doesn’t look right,” astronomer Tiffany Goodfeather noted to her director, Gerry Harp. “I’m picking up an object just inside the earth’s atmosphere.”

“What is it?”

“I’m not sure. It’s just a speck but it appears to be some sort of small asteroid.”

***

Lieutenant Elijah Benton bolted from his seat as his monitor flashed and beeped from his command station at NORAD. He called over to his supervisor.

“Hey, we’ve picked up an Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon (UAP) moving into Earth’s atmosphere.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t tell. It’s small, no bigger than a bus. It has a very strange movement signature—never seen anything like it before. It’s probably an asteroid; whatever it is, it’s definitely heading toward Earth.”

“Scramble the jets. It could be the Russians with a new spy plane.”

“Yes sir.”

“What’s it doing now?”

“It…seems to be slowing down.”

“And contact the president.”

“Biden?” he asked.

“Of course! Who else…uh, don’t get me started!”

He gave him the side-eye and shook his head.

“Yes sir. Right away, sir.”

“We need to be on our guard. Contact Karen Meech at the Institute for Astronomy.”

                                                                       ***

A large wedding party was in progress in the White and Gold Ballroom at the Mar-a-Lago Resort, Florida. Former President Donald J. Trump walked slowly up to the microphone. Everyone clapped quietly.

Trump tapped on the microphone. “Hey, is this thing even working? I guess it’s a Democrat mic, huh?” He looked around the room waiting for a response. Nothing but crickets.

“I hope you are enjoying the wedding. I like weddings…so much—I had three of them.”

The drummer hit a rim shot.

“Okay, that may not have been necessary, but, as my supporters, you know how bad things are. We’ve got the deadly Chyna Virus, illegal Mexicans are storming our borders, inflation is rampant, and the socialist, communist, liberals want to shut down the economy and ruin all our nice businesses—like this one, a very good property, very profitable, Mar-a-Lago. Some call it the Southern White House but what I do know is it has made me very rich; very, very rich.”

Twittering and rustling was heard from the wedding party.

“What a beautiful wedding party! Only the best for the best—my supporters. And you all came here tonight. Did you know they stole the election from me! It was rigged. And the lamestream media! Don’t get me started! Well, we will have some great news soon. My buddy Mike Lindell is all over it. It will be like nothing you’ve ever seen before!”

An awkward pause.

“And don’t forget the chocolate cake. It’s fantastic!”

Another pause. Trump droned on in a monotone.

“Did I say I was rich? When I was in New York I went to all the best parties with all the best people and everyone really liked me…”

Whispers were heard from around the room as the guests grew impatient.

***

Davis, West Virginia was on top of a mountain (elevation 3,100 feet) and home to Jack and his wife, Colleen. Jack was a kook to many in this small town and owner of the largest amateur telescope in the state. The beast was a homemade, 16-inch F4.5, fork-mounted Newtonian reflector; you could buy a good used car for what it cost him. He was up all night watching the stars as they circumnavigated the North Star. It was nearly dusk and his wife, Colleen, an early riser, had just woken up and made their morning coffee.

“Hey, Colleen, git’ over here, I must be seeing things; what do you see?” asked Jack. She walked out the screen door, that always needed repairing, gave Jack his cup of coffee, and peered into the telescope eyepiece.

“I don’t see anything,” replied Colleen. She looked again into the eyepiece. “You’ve been out here all night, agin’?”

“Yeah, the sky is just so clear and beautiful. I’m always in such awe of God’s creation. Just look again, to the upper right; you’ll see it moving.”

“Oh, yes, I see it. It’s shiny.”

“Colleen! Look closer. Here, I’ll zoom in a bit. Something’s moving on it.”

“Moving? Did you got yourself another bad batch of that-thar’ moonshine? Remember what happened last time. You spent the entire night talking to the dawg.”

“And he talked back, too. But you know I haven’t touched the stuff since I’ve found Jesus.”

She looked again.

“Jack…what are those?”

“It looks like some sort of…chariot…driven by flying…”

“Horses?”

They looked at each other, too stunned to speak.

“Can’t be,” they said in unison. He looked into the eyepiece again.

“Should we tell the twins, Joshua and Caleb?” she asked.

“No, they’re still asleep. I’m gonna keep watching it and see what it does. Why don’t you go git our Bible. It might be a good time to pray.”

***

The Spitzer Science Center (SSC), at the California Institute of Technology’s Infrared Processing and Analysis Center (IPAC) in Pasadena, California submitted the following press release:

“We wish to confirm that a UAP is approaching just inside Earth’s atmosphere. While it is heading somewhere near the US Eastern Seaboard, there is little chance of damage, as the object is small and should burn up in our atmosphere. There is no cause for alarm.”

Russian and Chinese military intelligence also picked up the strange object as it entered the Earth’s atmosphere.

***

The CNN studio in Atlanta, Georgia, buzzed with activity.

“Wolf Blitzer, here at CNN, and we have just received information and it is confirmed that a UAP, formerly known as a UFO, has just entered the atmosphere somewhere over North America. A spokesman from the White House just announced that President Biden is aware of the situation, as is the US military. Our sources state that there is currently, ‘no cause for alarm.’ We have astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson here on video from New York City. Dr. Tyson, should we be concerned?”

“Most asteroids end up in the ocean but it could be a problem if it fell near a major metropolitan area, like New York City. If it does burn up in the atmosphere, depending on its altitude and speed, there may be a sonic boom, like the one that was both felt and heard when an asteroid lit up the sky over Russia on Feb 15, 2013.”

“Therefore if it does fall near land you might want to stay away from any windows?” asked Wolf.

“Yes, that’s one good piece of advice,” said Neil.

“From what I’ve heard, it does have a very unusual flight path; it’s not falling–it’s gliding.”

“Hmm, that certainly seems strange,” remarked Neil.

“On the line is astrobiologist Karen J. Meech, who on October 19, 2017, spotted the mysterious asteroid from another solar system named, ‘Oumuamua,’ which means ‘messenger’ in Hawaiian. Does this object share any of the same characteristics of Oumuamua?”

“While I cannot go into details, this object is nothing like Oumuama, which was a torpedo-shaped asteroid,” explained Karen.

“What does that mean, you cannot divulge details? Is someone requesting that you not discuss this?” asked Wolf.

“That’s really all I can say. I would spend your day as you normally would. There is no cause for alarm.”

“We also have Harvard astrophysicist, Avi Loeb on the line. Could this be a craft of some sort, of alien life?”

“Yes, that’s definitely a possibility. There appears to be very unusual movement and the flight pattern…” said Avi before his audio feed was interrupted mid-sentence.

“Hello? Hello? Dr. Loeb, are you there?” asked Wolf. “It appears that our feed has been disconnected. Well, this certainly is a mystery. CNN is monitoring this situation and we will report to you immediately as we receive more information.”

***

The Fox News channel broadcasted primarily from their studio at 1211 Avenue of the Americas in New York City. The “Fox and Friends” show had just started when the news hit the airwaves.

“Steve Doocy with Fox News in downtown Manhattan and we have breaking news. A UAP has been spotted just entering our atmosphere and our sources tell us that, ‘it’s acting suspiciously.’ ”

“What does that mean?” asked co-host Brian Kilmeade.

“It’s just another example of the Biden administration hiding information from the American people. No wonder no one wants to take the vaccine. They just don’t trust Biden.” replied Ainsley Earhardt.

“Is it some type of Russian spy plane?” asked Brian.

“We’ve got Sean Hannity on the line. What do you know, Sean?”

“I’ve been in contact with my President, Donald J. Trump, at the Southern White House. He has convened his cabinet…”

“Uh, I mean, you do know that Trump is no longer President, right?” Steve asked sheepishly.

“And that is exactly what the lamestream media wants you to believe. I just spoke to attorney Lin Wood, and he assures me that the military will listen to President Trump if Biden doesn’t act responsibly. Joe Biden only appears to be the president. All patriots know that the election was stolen and that Donald J. Trump is the rightful President…”

“Excuse me…it’s just been confirmed that NORAD has been alerted and has already scrambled interceptor jets to confirm exactly what this thing is,” interjected Ainsley.

“Ainsley, I’ll bet you a hundred dollars it’s a promotion for some Hollywood movie,” challenged Brian.

“It’s a pretty elaborate, and a potentially dangerous, promotion, wouldn’t you say, if NORAD is involved and scrambling jets?” asked Steve.

“It could be China,” surmised Ainsley.

“It could just be ‘space junk.’ There’s a ton of it orbiting the earth,” explained Steve. “We’ll be monitoring the situation here at Fox News, where the news is always fair and balanced.”

“I would put my money on Chyna,” added Shaun. “It is so sad that we have a feckless, socialist, liberal in the White House when we could have had a decisive president like Donald Trump. His experience, his intellect, his courage in the face of adversity is what our nation needs today. He just told me, that if he was president, he would shoot the damn thing out of the sky. That’s the kind of leadership we need now.”

***

The U-2 high-altitude jet followed the unidentified object as it skated through the troposphere 33,000 feet above sea level. At Air Force Space Command, Lieutenant John Sparks called over to his supervisor, Bobbie “Mad-Dog” Paul.

“Sir, our pilot has a visual on the UAP.”

“And?”

“He says, ‘it’s kind of blurry and he’s not sure how to describe it.’”

“What does the damn thing look like?”

“His reply is, ‘It appears to be a chariot with four, giant, winged horses.’ ”

“Come again?”

“It’s a chariot…flying…through the air…driven by horses–with wings. I don’t know what else to say.”

“How many hours have you been working?”

“Too many, it appears,” as he listened intently making certain he heard the pilot correctly. “Wait, I’m getting more,” said the analyst. He paused briefly, not quite believing his ears. “He says it’s a ‘golden‘ chariot.”

“I think he’s suffering from oxygen deprivation and hallucinating. Tell him to return. Get him down immediately!”

“And I think I just heard him say, ‘praise Jesus!’ ”

The buzz from Air Command intensified as the rumor spread.

“Call President Biden!” commanded the supervisor.

***

Back at Fox News, the studio was a madhouse of activity and confusion.

“We are receiving reports that an object, barely visible with binoculars, is now in the sky above New England,” said Steve Doocy. “In a related report, we’ve confirmed that Harvard astrophysicist, Avi Loeb, is under ‘house arrest.’ We’re not sure what the charges are but he’s known for his theory that extraterrestrial life may be sending probes to our planet.”

“Ainsley, do you think they may be connected?” asked Brian.

“They must be. Look at the monitor!”

The object was still miles above the earth but a tiny, shiny object was visible on the screen.

“Could this be a craft of some sort, of alien life?” asked Steve to no one in particular.

“It appears to be…yes, we have confirmation that the trajectory of the object targets New York City!” exclaimed Ainsley.

“Should we evacuate?” asked Brian.

“Not yet. They say that it’s not accelerating but decelerating, gliding in fact. The word is to ‘stay put and see what happens,’ ” said Ainsley. “I’m hearing rumors from the control room that they no longer think it’s an asteroid!”

“We now have a better image of the object,” said Brian.

The video feed of the strange object now appeared on the giant LCD Screen in Times Square. The screen stood eight stories, tall, was nearly as long as a football field and spanned the entire block from 45th Street to 46th Street on Broadway—the center of Times Square. Thousands of New Yorkers, normally oblivious to their surroundings, stopped and gawked at the large screen.

“There, it’s moving!” exclaimed Ainsley as she pointed to the object on the screen. At first, it was nothing but a blur, but the image sharpened as the camera zoomed in.

“What is that?” asked Ainsley.

“That is definitely not an asteroid,” said Steve.

“It almost looks like some sort of…chariot,” said Brian.

“Oh my God! It is!” exclaimed Steve.

“What are those?” asked Brian.

“Are those…horses?” asked Ainsley incredulously.

“Impossible!” exclaimed Brian.

“With wings?!” asked Steve, not believing his eyes.

“Maybe the movement is making us see things that aren’t there,” cautioned Brian.

“Brian, all I’ve got to say is that if this is a movie promotion then I’m definitely going to see it. These are the best special effects I’ve ever seen,” said Steve.

“The question is, ‘how are they doing it?’ ”

“Perhaps this is a movie and the production company forgot to notify the proper authorities. That has happened before,” explained Steve.

“Disney has the resources to pull off a cinematic stunt as big as this,” said Brian.

“Fox News is confirming that the UAP or ‘chariot’ as some are calling it, is heading toward Manhattan,” said Ainsley.

“We will be sending a television crew as soon as we determine its eventual location,” added Steve.

“If it lands. If it’s an alien spacecraft it may just hover over the city,” said Brian.

“Do you think the Air Force will shoot it out of the sky, Brian?” asked Ainsley.

“Not this snowflake administration,” said Brian.

“Our research team has just spoken with Bob Chapek, CEO of Walt Disney Company, and his statement is that ‘Disney is not responsible for the object in the sky over New York City,’ ” said Steve.

“I was kinda hoping that he would’ve said, ‘hey gotcha! world premier!’ But if it’s not Disney who could be responsible for this?” asked Brian. They stared at the monitors closely.

“Is it me or does that chariot shine like gold?” asked Steve.

“Wow! It does!” exclaimed Brian. “What could that mean?”

“Brian, it’s a golden chariot, driven by horses, with wings. What exactly do you think it means?” asked Ainsley.

“I have no idea,” said Brian.

“It’s Jesus! It’s Jesus, Praise Jesus, Hallelujah! This is it–the Rapture! This is the Second Coming!” shouted Ainsley.

Ainsley stood up and waved her hands in praise. Tears of joy ran down her face. Brian and Steve tried to calm her down. The cameras pan away as everyone regained their composure. They returned to the couch and Steve and Brian tried to appear cool and relaxed.

“We want to repeat that there is no confirmation of exactly what we are seeing at the moment,” noted Steve.

“As a born-again Christian, all I can say is, ‘I’m ready Lord; take me!’ “ exclaimed Ainsley as she opened her arms and closed her eyes.

“Frankly I would not get too excited yet. Remember, Harold Camping predicted the ‘End of the World’ on May 21, 2011,” noted Steve.

“And his followers sold all their possessions,” added Brian.

“You know what happened? Nothing. That’s what happened,” said Steve.

“There has to be some rational explanation for this. It’s just too unbelievable,” said Brian.

“Don’t be so certain,” replied Ainsley.

***

“Wolf Blitzer, with CNN here and we have on the line, Bill Maher, best known for his militant atheism and his 2008 documentary movie, Religulous. Bill, as the image of the UAP sharpens everyone is saying it looks like a golden chariot driven by four, winged horses. I guess you may not be feeling too Religulous today, eh?” asked Wolf.

“Can you believe it? A golden chariot? And I thought our biggest worry was a golden shower!” Bill noted as he laughed at his own joke. “If this turns out to be a hallucination, I may have to stop smoking weed.”

“Really?”

“Nah, probably not. Hell, if it’s the end of the world, who fucking cares, right?”

“Language! We’re live Bill,” exclaimed Wolf.

“Yeah, but not for long, huh?”

“And, might I say, I really do like the glasses. They make you look sophisticated.”

“Yeah, right, that’s exactly what I need right now. I think the word you’re looking for is old.”

“As a noted atheist, what do you have to say about the prospect that this is Jesus Christ returning for The Second Coming?”

“If the choices are coming…or going…I think I’d rather be coming.”

“Bill!” exhorted Wolf, laughing. “This is a family show.”

“And a second coming is even better!”

“Good for you, Bill, funny ‘til the very end.”

“Hey, I’m still here, dammit! Plus, seriously, it’s got to be a hoax or some promotion. Winged horses? Are you kidding me? What a cliché! Not even clever! He could have at least been more creative, showing up as a woman or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Who knows, maybe Trump is behind the entire production to show how easy it is for ‘illegal aliens’ to get into the country.”

“You really believe that?”

“Well, no, I don’t think he’s smart enough for a stunt like this…but Putin certainly is! There you go; it’s the Russians!”

“Of course they’re saying it’s a gold chariot and we know how much the former President likes gold.”

“Oh great, now Twitter will light up about how Jesus is returning to reinstate Trump as President. This day could not get any worse.”

“We certainly appreciate your time, Bill.”

AND THAT is the first ten pages or so; the fun is just about to begin! Who will be damned? Who will be saved? Take a chance. If you like the intro you won’t be disappointed. Available now on Amazon Kindle.